Boat jokes

Boat jokes
One for the 'Pommies' (please translate for our US members)A British Sailor (changed to give boatie touch), whilst on shore-patrol in Bosnia, happens upon a young lad kicking around a spent shell case with not inconsiderable skill. The two end up chatting and the soldier says, "Would you like to play soccer in England? A great friend of mine knows Alex Ferguson, the man in charge of the top England team. He could help you." The boy appears very keen and so, when the soldier returns home, he asks his friend. Well, it turns out that Alex Ferguson is interested and so the young lad is brought over. He starts off in the junior team, but is so good, he gets steadily promoted until he's on the substitute bench for the first team at the FA Cup Final. The game reaches half-time and the score is 2-2. "Alright", says Ferguson, "let's see what you can do." The lad goes on and scores three fantastic goals and the team have a glorious victory. Afterwards, the lad goes to a 'phone to call his Dad. "Dad", he says, "we won the FA Cup final and I scored three goals!" His Dad is silent for a moment and then replies "Don't you give me that! Back here, we're going through Hell! Your Mother went out for bread this morning and hasn't been seen since. Your Sister was raped last night, and your brother was beaten up in the street on his way back from school!" "But Dad," complains the youth, "you can't blame me for that!" "Well," said his father, "you made us come to Manchester!"